Going Solo
This article was first published in the Minden Times in April 2025.
That a contender for a position of authority in the troubled country to our south thought it clever to blame ‘childless cat ladies’ for the woes of the world suggests than insecure men are very worried about the possibility of women being superior. That the Orange Dicktator thought it necessary to assure us little women that he’s going to take care of us, whether we want it or not, is a threat for us to mind our place or he’ll mind it for us. The dismantling of systems that give women authority over their bodies is a manifestation of the crux of the dilemma – men can’t reproduce themselves without the aid of women. This puts them in a one-down position, which fans any embers of insecurity into raging flames, as we see now.
The Orange Dicktator’s misunderstanding of how tariffs work has galvanized Canadian patriotism and solidarity. The Little Man’s cat lady comment may similarly fan the flames of feminism. Behold the rise of women who prefer to live their lives without the encumbrance of men. And because marriage is seen as (and probably is, when things go well) the optimal circumstance for conceiving and raising children, men are in danger of losing their capacity to reproduce themselves, as well as have their other needs conveniently met as a matter of right.
Little wonder there is concern on one side, and a rising tide of resistance on the other.
Whether or not a woman is married has impacted on her social and civic status since…forever? Well, certainly since we became a capitalist society. First, financial independence. When women don’t have access to or control over money, they must find themselves a man to keep them, and pay a price for dependence. Women’s marital status has been a legal barrier to financial independence until very recently – e.g. women in Canada weren’t allowed to open bank accounts without a male co-signer until 1964, or hold solo credit cards or a mortgage until 1974. The work world has morphed from a family wage (the idea that a person working full-time could support a family on their earnings) to a living wage (a worker can support themself on earnings) to the expectation that a household must have two well-paid earners to be successful. And even that is now in doubt: a double-income household may well be unlikely to afford to own a home or have children. The idea of anyone but the ultra-rich having financial independence is now in question. The traditional value of men as economic insurance is crumbling.
By 2009, women outnumbered men in the Canadian work force. They also out-educate them: 83 men for every 100 women have post-secondary education. Even though the work world is tilted against women, it begins to look like women have the winning hand. Even disadvantaged women, whose pool of potential mates is likely to consist of equally or more disadvantaged men, may find themselves in the catbird seat. Particularly if men are snarly because their perceived god-given right to superiority is inexplicably unavailable to them.
So financial independence could be one reason why the popularity of marriage is waning.
Another could be that marriage is a long-term mandated relationship that may, in fact, undermine personal growth. George Eliot, who (in)famously, when she was well past her best-before date, had the perfect marriage with a man who was another woman’s husband, describes in her books many variations of imperfect marriages. She describes her own marital bliss as ‘a happy solitude à deux’, two independently productive lives that predictably intermingled in intellectual and emotional synergy. Yet when the right two people seem to have found a way to be rightly together in Eliot’s books, they sail off into the sunset without further investigation of how this perfect union withstood the test of time and routine life.
Eliot might be suggesting that the solo life is the truest manifestation of the good life. Or perhaps when marriage, licit or otherwise, is the judicious and equitable pairing of two solos making their way together through life, they can achieve the beauty and productivity of a well-matched team of horses.
Where does that leave the Orange Dicktator and his ilk in their bid to put women in their rightful place? I’d say with women holding the cards. They have what men need, the – so to speak - critical metals required for a successful future. Until there is a respectful recognition of this, it makes sense that women prefer to manage solo. Worldwide falling birth and marriage rates suggest Canada isn’t the only entity exploring its capacity for independence.